Sunday, January 16, 2011

This lil light of mine, i'm gonna let it shine

Carmen placed into my hands her lamp with a broken shade early last year, hoping i could fix it. And it's been hidden under my table, ignored, until early December 2010, it's been given attention to again...


 ...restored, and returned to its rightful owner as an early Christmas gift and a late 21st birthday present. :P

I like how it can be beautiful and ugly at the same time - like us.

And i guess, when something's not very pleasing to the eye, when light shines from within, it becomes something beautiful.
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.  
... we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
- 2 Corinthians 4: 6-9

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A new page

Counting down in Brussels reminded me how everyone is still very human. The squeezing in the tall crowd (as this short Asian girl), finding spaces between tall heads to be able to see what's happening, shouting the numbers, and it's 2011. Scary.

Just because i suddenly had this awareness, accompanied by a tiny wave of fear, of how new, clean, untouched 2011 is. It's the unknown. So much possibilities of change. And just... possibilities beyond imagination. So much uncertainty.

That also means how much further i can go, no limits. Nervous much, but hopeful and a slight tingling of excitement.

And the joy and happiness on everyone's faces! I forgot how stepping into the New Year can bring such an amazing feeling. Remembering how everyone deep down has their burdens to carry, no matter how different and foreign their lives from mine, who they are, where they come from. Novelty brings hope. Clean. Forgiven. A fresh, new chance, to try again. The mistakes and failures everyone carry, their own and the ones against them.

So i guess it's a good thing we live in the dimension of time after all. Of the need to change and keep moving forward. To refuse it is equal to death.

As colours and sparkles exploded in the sky, came the sudden awareness of my existence, and the life that i've had so far. And the thought of becoming a graduate quite soon. 3 years! Nostalgic memories already formed while i was still stuck thinking that i'm new in this foreign world and reality.

3 years ago, i started out like this (almost literally)...

(Photos taken in Newstead Abbey, Nottinghamshire, Sept 2008. And yep, that's really me.)

Sometimes i still do feel like this, shrinking back into that lil girl with much fear. But yes, still in the process of getting over myself, looking beyond, and to leave the nest, take the leap into the air and risks, and soar on wings like eagles.

The more you explore, the world only gets bigger. It's very humbling.

In 2011, I'll learn to embrace more, to joy, and to love beyond. And to venture deeper into the unending reality of Love and Truth, to continually be made new though it hurts, to be strong and courageous in battles, and to be Homeward Bound.

Cheers to the furrows on our brow
To each hard-won victory
Cheers to the losses that grew us up
Killed our pride, and filled our cup

Cheers to the friendships well worn in

That time nor distance alter
Here's to the sleepers we'll see again
Find company in memoria

Open your mouth and sing out your song

Life is short as the day is long
I can't leave you my body
But I'll leave you a tune
This is my legacy
Cheers to you

Cheers to the passing of our youth

And the death of lust not one day
A toast to the lessons not yet learned
And to the trials that will teach them 

- Here's To You by Brooke Fraser

And to remember how beautiful life is, in its messiness, and soak myself in it.